May I Not Have This Dance? 3 Dances That Can ( and Will) Ruin Your Relationship

May I Not Have This Dance? 3 Dances That Can ( and Will) Ruin Your Relationship

In some cultures, there may be a desire everything to be paper perfect: from parental, employment and relationship expectations. Since I’m Singaporean, I’m able to emphasize that in certain Asian cultures, this can be a root of shame. It took me years to accept that I am not built to be that accounting guy. I used to pride myself on rigid practicality. ‘ I need to graduate from an accounting degree to be deemed successful.’ I told myself for years. The majority of people who are on the nice guy end of this spectrum need to learn how to please themselves more and put their needs first. Being selfish and your needs and wants met and then helping others unconditionally can be considered benevolent uberhorny good for affairs The new age self-help industry throws words around like such as self-love but at the core of is having boundaries. Having strong boundaries and defining what you would and not would accept from others in your life is one of the first steps in taking control of your dating and social life. You can’t be responsible for how others react towards you.

The only responsibility you can have is in your own actions and emotions. The only person you can please and control is yourself. Photo by Bahram Bayat on Unsplash Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook9Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships As the cold winter months get closer, if you’re single, you’ll no doubt want someone to snuggle up and get warm with. There’s a reason behind that: it’s “cuffing season.” Introduced to Urban Dictionary in 2011, it’s the time during fall and cold weather when singles get serious about finding a partner to be “cuffed” to, or tied down with during those cooler times.Naturally, it’s also the time of the year when online dating sites see a spike in user activity. If the cold weather has you yearning for a partner to cuddle with, then the following is your guide:1. Look InwardLook at cuffing season as a time to reflect on past relationships. Be honest with yourself about why you want a relationship, and you’ll be a lot better off, not only through cold weather but also for the long-run.For instance, if you’re making impulsive decisions online in pursuit of a partner just because you want someone on your arm at holiday gatherings, you could be making yourself more susceptible to online dating scams.

studies also show that impulsivity is a significant trait of victims.Above all, a confident mindset will help keep you cozy through winter (with or without someone else).2. Update Your Online Dating ProfileWith a lot of other singles wanting to be “cuffed” and thus turning to online dating this cold weather, a good impression will help you stick out. Make sure you’re not presenting yourself falsely, or you can bet your first date will be the last.Replace old photos with current ones that get appropriate attention. Doing something interesting in your photos is the perfect solution to start meaningful conversations.Also, consider the kinds of messages you’re sending. Be honest and approachable in your profile and your chances of finding someone special will increase.3. Look Out For Scammers!Cuffing season brings out the online dating scammers just like Black Friday brings out the holiday shopping sales. With an influx of online daters looking for someone to be cuffed with, there will inevitably be more fraudulent profiles to look out for.Is your match a scammer? Here are a few signs:• He or she is “out of the country.” International business people and members of the armed services make easy cover stories for scam performers.• He or she asks for money. (The request might even come at a made-up sob story). Treat any requests for money as a clear red flag for a scam.• He or she expresses love or affection a lot of, too soon.

Anyone wanting to push a relationship forward too fast likely has other – malicious – motivations.The nightmare of falling for a scammer or a predator-in-disguise won’t compare to the negative feelings of being “un-cuffed” this winter, so don’t skip these no-brainer online dating safety measures:• Look at his or her social media profiles. If the information from a single social network to the next is not consistent, consider this a reason for more research before continuing to engage using this person.• Check the person out by running a background check. a comprehensive background check service such as will give you information about addresses, aliases, criminal incidents and known associates.• Let your intuition be your guide.Remember that cuffing season brings an increase in online dating activity, which means higher chances of coming across a scammer.We hope this guide helps there is a Merry Cuffing Season.

Relationship Deal-Breaker: Watch what you say with that body.

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Dating Apps, Dating Sites, Online Dating You have been seeing/dating this man for a while and there is just something about him that you feel uneasy about…You actually find yourself wanting something more out of your relationship – perhaps it’s an official relationship status, a proposal, a marriage or just wanting a bit more commitment from him on his end. “Is he a commitment phobe?” If this is question that you have on your mind for some time now, this article is for you. Here are 10 ways how to spot a commitment-phobic man… 1. He doesn’t contact you regularly. He calls you when he feels like it; and which means once every few days. The longest period of time he failed to call you is 5 days, or worse, longer. Look, in case a man is really into you and desires to take your relationship further, he WILL call you at least every other day. Now I am not discussing long distance relationships or bouts of times when one of you is away for business trips. I am talking about normal dating relationships here. If your man cannot make a commitment to call or text you every other day, why do you think he will make a commitment to give you his heart and look after you for the rest of your life? So wise up, ladies! Communication is key to a relationship. When a man does not even want to hand you that key (i.e. not wanting to communicate with you regularly), it really is highly unlikely your relationship will work out to where you wish to be. 2. He breaks his promises This is BIG.

A man who breaks his promises, especially big promises (Eg: Promise to return the funds he borrowed; Agreeing to meet up with your household but only to back out at the last minute, etc.) SHOULD NOT be kept. I repeat, men who break big promises to you USUALLY DO NOT DESERVE to be with you. It does not just mean he is commitment-phobic, in addition means he is absolutely not trustworthy. How about small promises? How to define big or small promises? Well, obviously the not-so-big promises might be promises including a promise to turn up for a date on time; a promise to sleep early; a promise to say “I love you” more, etc. Those promises are not biggies to me, nevertheless they might be TO YOU. Everyone has a different yardstick when it comes to definitions of big and small. What seems important to me may be insignificant to you. SO… know yourself well. Setup your own boundaries, while making sure your man respect your boundaries and not push them. A man loses respect for you when you ALLOW him to push your boundaries! 3. He winces at the topic of marriage. The two of you have been dating for a year now. You tried to sound him out what he feels about marriage, and check if he sees the two of you heading down this path sooner or later.

The moment you finished asking your question, he chokes on his drink. Ok, maybe not so dramatic. But you definitely could sense the atmosphere change. OR he could be directly laughing away at your question ( that is the worst and most annoying situation you can face) without giving you an answer. Either way, you know in your heart that this guy in front of you is NOT READY for marriage. 4. He jests at his friends who are “family men” If you incidentally hear him making remarks (perhaps not directly to you, but to his other friends or colleagues) like “Jackson’s wife is pregnant, again! To believe Jackson is indeed excited about his what..second baby?! Holy Cow, that is just so lame…”. OR insulting ‘jokes’ such as “That chicken played us out today because his wife asked him to go home early. “ THESE ARE RED FLAGS, warning you to steer clear of such disrespectful men who do not value the importance of family. 5. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family Please note that this does not apply to new relationships or casual relationships. By new relationships, I mean relationships of period not as much as a year. I know some men get very serious at the beginning of a relationship and will take you home to showcase to his parents on your second date.

The thing is, how many men are like that? Most men(and many women as well) need to feel comfortable and secure with the new partner and with the prospects of your relationship before he will tell the world he is dating this girl. Some men might take a couple of months to reach there, some might take 2 weeks. In general, you should not fret if you are in your first year of the relationship. If you both came to mutual agreement your relationship is casual, you then should not be expecting him to familiarizes you with his inner circle. You probably should read my other article “How to make a man want to date you seriously“, if you are genuinely interested in this man you are seeing. Nonetheless, if you participate in the category where your relationship is exclusive, and it’s over ONE year, and you still have not personally met his best friend or his closest family member yet, do find out why.

The Adult Toy Box: Essential Items that Keep Relationships Hot

It is pertinent to know the underlying reasons of him not sharing this important part of his life with you. NO VALID REASON = NOT SERIOUS WITH YOU/ NO VISION OF A FUTURE WITH YOU. 6. He gives the golden excuse “I am an extremely private person” There are many instances when a man would say that to you. For the purpose of this article, i am going to quote you some important ones which you should pay attention to: a) When you request to use at his cellular phone or computer (due to a valid reason, not because you’re trying to check on him ) b) When you asked why his relationship status on Facebook is still “Single” c) When you asked why you have not met any of his family yet after dating for so long d) When you asked why you can’t pay him a visit at his home When a man provides the “I am an extremely private person” answer to any of your above questions/scenarios, DO NOT BELIEVE his B.S (bullshit)! Yes, he may be a very private person BUT you are his girlfriend now, and he should be accountable to you if the situation calls for it. His dependence on privacy implies a fear of something.

That fear is something I hope you ladies eventually get to understand, so your relationship with your guy may be improved. And let’s just hope that fear of something isn’t a ‘fear of commitment’. 7. He doesn’t make long-term plans with you He is not interested to plan a future with you. He is not interested to discuss about where your relationship is heading. Heck, he is not even interested to plan that long vacation with you for next year! Unless he is undergoing major life changes that makes him reluctant to take into account anything, he is just not dedicated to you or your relationship. (Side note: Some guys are not interested to plan for their own life, and do not know where he will be in the next 5 years. These dudes may not be commitment phobes, but they are far worse – they have been lost souls who do not know what they want in life. Please tread carefully if you are really in love with this lost soul.

You may end up getting lost with him, and please usually do not expect a ring on your finger anytime soon with these men.) 8. He is over 35 and have not been married before By 35, many of us already knew if we want to be married or not. If we want to, we will work at it. Men over 35 who are still casually dating or in-and-out-of-relationships may just well be people who enjoy singlehood and want their space & freedom more than they want a serious relationship. Of course there are exceptions where men totally give attention to building a career for 1st 35 years of their lives, and after their career success , they give attention to getting a girlfriend and furthering the relationship. Lucky you if you meet these exceptions, but don’t bank on it! 9. All his relationships do not last over 2 years As above mentioned, men who are in and out of relationships all the time just screams: “I am afraid to commit! I am afraid to have serious with a girl!” You may not want to be a filler for his periodic bouts of loneliness. Don’t fall into that trap! And do not fantasize about being any particular one Special Girl who can change how he feels about being in a long-term relationship. Well, if you insist on making your fantasy come true, my article” How to make him commit” will help you. 10. He had, had very long relationships (read: over 5 years) and he never had plans to propose to any of his girlfriends.

Perhaps it was from his own mouth, or from other sources that you got to know his past relationships. He was in serious and very long relationships, yet he never thought about settling with any among those ladies. Especially if those exes were nice ladies of marriageable age, there can just only be ONE reasons why he failed to marry them – he doesn’t want to commit in to a marriage. USUALLY DO NOT believe 100% when he tells you the reason is because “she is not the one” or “the timing isn’t right”. If that ex is not the one for him, or the timing isn’t right for him, then why did he string her along for such a long time? Chances are, he likes those girls really but he is just unwilling to commit in to a marriage back then because of a fear that he couldn’t explain. That fear might just be the fear of commitment! ___________________________________________________________________________________ IF YOUR MAN FITS AT THE VERY LEAST 5 OUT OF THE 10 ABOVE, CHANCES ARE… HE IS A COMMITMENT PHOBE. Having this new piece of knowledge means you possibly can make better decisions in your present relationship. Understand that commitment can not be forced, but it may be encouraged. Sending you wisdom, courage and lots of love as you try this! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook25Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: datingadvice, love, relationship I’ve always wanted to live abroad. It’s been a dream of mine ever since I was a teenager watching Amelie from the confines of my suburban Sydney home. So this year, I did it. I went to Paris, and I met someone. We talked for some time before I even came here because we met the year before when I was visiting. We constantly spoke before I came to Paris. He’d send me pictures of his Christmas trip to his hometown in the French countryside. He’d send me videos of him skiing in the French Alps with his friends. He sent me a message at 12:10 am on New Year’s Eve telling me regarding how excited he was to be with me in the new 12 months. I had hopes that individuals could have been something. That’s what you do when you date someone, you hope. I arrived in Paris in mid-January on a Tuesday afternoon. It was freezing, and my hands were numb, but the first thing I did when I landed was to ask him: “can I see you today?!”.

He replied that he could pick me up at 9 pm after he finished work. I was so nervous and excited, and I imagined what it would be like to see him all things considered this time, and after all, we’ve said. Everything was different than what I had imagined. That night, when I launched the door, there was clearly no big kiss. I just hugged him, I climbed on his motorbike and then we drove to a bar. We sat and had drinks; we talked about what exactly you would speak about on a first date. We kissed in the middle of the pub, and he made fun of me because I didn’t like the idea of kissing in public.We finished our date, and it was a nice one, but he didn’t speak to me like he did before anymore. He stopped texting me everyday, and I had an atmosphere he didn’t even want to see me. It drove me insane. I even googled “What do you do when he seems less interested in you after a first date?”. I genuinely wanted to know what other people did in this situation. Every one of the answers said something along the lines of “cut your losses, he’s not interested, ” but I didn’t want to cut anything. I wanted him to like me, so one day I simply asked him if I could see him again.

He invited me out to meet his friends at a bar called Petite Amour on Rue de la Fidélité the next night. I was having dinner with my friend, but I quickly finished eating, and I caused it to be my mission to make the journey to that bar. Once I was there, I got a drink, I met his friends, I talked to his friends, nd it was a good evening. He touched my neck, he kissed me, he gave me a rose he bought from a street vendor. Everything was good. He whispered into my ear, “Babe, let’s go to the next place, we’re going to a club called Les Bains”. I was elated that he thought of me and that he wanted me to come. Everything was good. At Les Bains, I met all the people that I saw on his Instagram. I really felt like I was likely to make it, like we were going to be something, but the night ended, and the next day came. He didn’t text me, at all. Nothing. Just silence.

And let me tell you, that’s painful, and I don’t like to deal with pain when I don’t know what I did wrong. I asked him, “Did something change? If it did, you only have to let me know. I’d appreciate it more than silence.” Then I waited, and waited, and waited for a response. As a sensible person who’s been dating for a while, I already knew that he didn’t want to be with me. As a foolish romantic, I convinced myself that he was busy. I felt stupid. I felt hurt. I thought that it must’ve been all my fault. I got too drunk at the club because I was nervous. He couldn’t see himself with a girl like me, a sloppy drunk. He prefers girls which can be tall with long hair, girls who wear trendy clothes and who smoke cigarettes from their Parisian balcony. Girls with names like Anaïs who dabble with modelling in their spare time.

I was thinking all this, and feeling all this, when he finally texted me the overnight. His text was shocking. It was more shocking than if he actually just said that he wasn’t interested in me anymore. He told me that he’d been acting strange because he was in a weird situation. The situation: His ex girlfriend, from SIX years ago, has instantly come back and she desires to be with him once more. She has really strong feelings about this. He doesn’t know what to accomplish. He’s torn. He’s so sorry but this is so awkward. He still desires to get to know me and he’s really sorry. I really didn’t know how to react to this. I was happy because I guess he still liked me but I was devastated that he could so easily get back together with his ex. I also couldn’t think that this was happening. I don’t think anyone can tolerate their date telling them that they’re currently in the process of maybe getting back together making use of their ex. I felt like i might explode, but I didn’t. I still wanted him to want me.

I answered in a polite way where I advised that I still liked him but that I wouldn’t wait and I hoped that he’d figure out everything soon. I sent , I put my phone on airplane mode and I went to the Musee d’Orsay. You have to keep busy when you’re heartbroken. Yet while I was staring at paintings by Monet and Van Gogh, I was still heartbroken. All this busy-ness did nothing for me. I gripped my phone in my hand and I wanted to send him another message to let him know how heartbreaking this was for me.

May I Not Have This Dance? 3 Dances That Can ( and Will) Ruin Your Relationship
Scroll to top